Averting Anger – Proverbs 21:14

In her article, “Softening the Barbs of Anger,” Risa-Bos makes several helpful observations: there are usually other emotions hidden beneath the surface… It’s easy to see a person’s anger but can be difficult to see the underlying feelings the anger is protecting….Anger is often described as a “secondary emotion” because people tend to use it to protect their own raw, vulnerable, overwhelming feelings.  She gives three tips to dealing with someone’s anger: 1) Don’t take it personally, 2) Don’t ever tell [someone] to “calm down” and 3) Identify the obstacle.  Sometimes, the best way to assuage someone’s anger is what is described in Proverbs 21.

A gift in secret averts anger, and a concealed bribe, strong wrath. (Proverbs 21:14, ESV)

I remember how angry I was.  We had brought with us a generator for our missionaries’ use in Ethiopia because the consistency of power outages was great.  But they would not release it to us at the airport until we paid a fee and it was a pretty hefty fee.  I was sure it was a bribe I was being asked to pay and it is possible I was mistaken.  I paid it and was extremely frustrated.

This may be a somewhat different scenario than our proverb is relating to.  Here, the private or secret bribe/gift is offered to avert someone’s wrath.  It does not say whether their wrath is justified or not, real or not.  But a possible situation might be your child damaging someone’s property and you secretly give them money, perhaps beyond the value of the damaged property, in order to avoid court.

You wish such situations could be resolved in better ways, but there may be times when it is worth it to utilize such an approach.  You will undoubtedly need to swallow some anger in the process.   As effective as a bribe might be, it galls the soul.  Sometimes we have to do distasteful things to get better results.  We must be sure, however, that we don’t cross the line morally to do so.