Ephesians 2:1-3 — Conversations with God

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.  All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.

Father, why did You ever want relationship with me?  Though I was taken to church every Sunday I did not acknowledge Your leadership over my life.  I lived as if You did not exist.  Though some said You were dead, it was really me who was dead.

I was dead in the sense that I could not move toward You but could only act out of my sinful and rebellious heart.  I was dead in the sense that I was under Your death penalty, a dead man walking, because of my many trespasses and sins.

My dead state was quite to the liking of Your enemy and mine, the devil, Satan, in whose hands is all the world of dead people.  We all prefer our rebellious ways and encourage each other to follow false religions or no religions at all, rather than truly submit to You.

And Satan encourages us as well, holding us captive to do his will.  And so I indulged my flesh and I indulged my mind with all sorts of falsehoods that led me away from You.  I did indeed, deserve Your wrath.  Why did You want relationship with me?