Human Intimacy – Proverbs 14:10

In an article about intimacy in marriage at Focus on the Family, the author wrote, “One evening over dinner with a friend, we spoke about intimacy and what it means. She shared a cute little phrase with me to remind me of intimacy’s true meaning. “It means ‘in-to-me-see,’” she said. Ah yes, it’s a blending of our heart with another’s, so we can “see into” who they really are, and they can “see into” us….Being intimate involves the mixing of our life with another’s, a mingling of souls, a sharing of hearts. This is something we all long for because it’s how God made us. We were designed to connect.”  But intimacy is not easy to achieve.

The heart knows its own bitterness,

and no stranger shares its joy. (Proverbs 14:10, ESV)

I remember at a very young age, before I was even 10 years old, realizing sadly that no one else could really know what I was thinking.  It made me feel isolated from the rest of the world.  I didn’t know what to do with this realization and so I chose not to think about it very much.

But the wise think about it and this proverb reflects some of that thinking.  It is not prescribing anything to do about the fact that your deepest sorrows and greatest joys can’t fully be shared with anyone.  But it is not meant to lead to inaction.  Realizing this fact helps the wise person understand human life a bit better and to take it into account in one’s interactions with others.

Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”  Sometimes our motives are hidden even to us and certainly often to others.  But wisdom suggests that these motives can be discovered, if not completely, at least accurately enough.  This is a call to relationship that actually seeks to share the bitterness and joy of others.

We are not to give up just because our plumbing the depths of another’s soul will never be completely successful.  We settle for good enough.  We even look for ways to express our own feelings more accurately.  And we look to the day when we shall know fully even as we have been fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12).  Only God can fully know us, but an eternity in the restored kingdom of God will be an opportunity to know Him and others more fully than we ever have before.

Lord, help me to be a more open book with those I love, to connect at the soul level with people who matter to me.  And help me to remember that even if I can’t fully explain my heart or know that of another, You know me fully and You love me thoroughly.