Love Above Retribution – Proverbs 17:9

They were great friends as co-conspirators against English rule of the colonies and as ambassadors for their country, but as the Revolution succeeded and they were taking roles of leadership in the new American government, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson’s political views were quite in conflict and the two men became more enemies than friends, each offending the other.  But a mutual friend encouraged them, after their years in office, to begin writing letters to one another (he was a little devious about telling each of them that the other was desirous of reconciliation), and their relationship was eventually restored.

Whoever covers an offense seeks love,

but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9, ESV)

Let’s suppose that you’ve been offended by someone you consider a close friend.  You’re hurt and angry.  You feel betrayed.  What are you seeking?  If you are seeking a redress for your hurt it may seem useful to you to talk to others about what your close friend has done.  They will side with you and justify your hurt and you will feel somewhat better.

But if you seek love rather than redress for your hurt, your response will be entirely different.  You will cover the offense with these actions:

1. You will acknowledge your own exceptional ability to hurt others, including your close friend.
2. You will consider how in fact you might have hurt your close friend and how that has led to them hurting you.
3. You will go to the Lord for help in how to deal with this hurt and how to heal your friendship.
4. You will go to your close friend and humbly seek to restore the relationship by confessing your own faults.
5. You will forgive your friend when they confess their faults.

Close friends can experience painful interactions and separation.  The wise and godly person learns how to cover offenses because a wise and godly person knows the Lord’s forgiveness and values love above retribution.