Parenting and Slaves in the Spirit – Ephesians 6:1-9

Dr. Neil Farber has a great article called 10 Things to Know About Parent-Child Relationships. It is based on research of parent-child relationships. The researcher remarks, “The parent-child relationship is qualitatively different than all of our other relationships” and the answer to how exactly we can and should raise mentally healthy children “is complex.” I don’t think Paul would deny that, but the advice he gives is incredibly healthy.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him. (Ephesians 6:1-9, ESV)

Though Paul does not say it, the relationship of parent to child and of master to servant is also a symbol of God’s relationship to His people. He is our Father, whose first goal is to shape us into imitations of His holy character. We are to honor Him as such. If in our own parenting we fail to reflect this rightly we are in danger of misrepresenting God. Children must obey their parents while under their roof and as long as their parents don’t ask them to disobey God. But fathers (and mothers) must not treat their children as chattel or as designed to meet the parents’ needs, but as those entrusted to them to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Parents must model the faith, not demand it. They must treat their children with respect, not provoking them to anger. Nothing will shape the child’s perspective of God more than their parents, and especially their father.

As bondservants of God we submit to Him to serve Him joyfully and He lovingly uses us to accomplish great things. Though enslavement is a societal evil, most frequently in Paul’s culture a result of defeat in war or inability to pay one’s debts, believers who find themselves in such situations must obey their masters with genuine hearts. Slaves are not to be motivated to work just to look good and for the reward that comes from God for all service rendered to Him. If masters require something in contradiction to godly obedience to the Lord, they shouldn’t obey, though, of course, they may not have a choice. But masters must not require such things if they are going to reflect God’s way of doing things. They must not threaten harm or punish the servant as if he or she is less than a person. Our greatest temptations often come with those who have no power. Our temptation is to use them or abuse them because we feel we can get away with it. But the heavenly Master does not show favorites and will uphold the cause of the weak.

How do you see yourself. Are you in the power position with anyone, like a parent or a master would be? How do you take advantage of that or how do you show impartiality to the one or ones you have power over? Are you in the weaker position with anyone? How do you reflect the reality that you are serving the Lord first and foremost in this relationship? Do you render service as to the Lord? Do you excuse yourself from godly obedience because this person has some power over you?

Discussion Questions

1. What is the most fun thing you have ever done with a parent?
2. How have you experienced a parent provoking a child to anger?
3. Why do you think obeying parents would lead to longevity?
4. Do you think Paul’s instructions should have applied to America’s experience of slavery? Why or Why not?
5. What positions of “power over” do you hold in your life?
6. What do you learn from Paul about how to exercise “power over”?