Self-Value – Proverbs 20:14

Abusers seem to have a gift for finding people who are insecure in their worth and allow the abuser to tell them that the abuser is the only one who will have them.  They suffer abuses and when they consider escaping, they fear that now they are even more valueless for having submitted to their abuser.  It feels like a never ending trap.  The truth is, it is the abuser who lacks value.  The abused one lacks a true valuation of themselves.

“Bad, bad,” says the buyer, but when he goes away, then he boasts. (Proverbs 20:14, ESV)

It is a common tactic in haggling or bargaining.  Pretend you think the product you are bargaining for is not worth what the seller says it is worth.  The seller gets scared that maybe his product does not have the value he thinks and drops the price.  The bargainer goes away bragging about what a good haggler he is.

When my oldest son bought his first car I went with him to the dealer and the salesman would not come down off the price.  So, as pre-arranged with my son, we walked out.  The salesman came running and was willing to make a deal.  We didn’t really get that much off on the car, however, because he knew we valued the car enough to pay more.

How do you value yourself?  Do you know that you are valuable.  People in our lives will, when trying to get something from us, devalue us so that we give ourselves away for a steal.  It is possible, of course, to overvalue ourselves, say, when bargaining for wages and then we never get the job.  But in relationships we need to know our value and esteem it high or we will experience seller’s remorse.  We’ll settle for an inequitable relationship that leaves us feeling worthless.

In a relationship where the other person values us, we can afford to give them a “bargain”.  This is because they are not taking advantage of us.  What we give is a gift of love,  and we rejoice in being able to give it.