Vent or Hold Back – Proverbs 29:11

TheFreeDictionary.com gives these two definitions of venting:  1) Forceful expression or release of pent-up thoughts or feelings: give vent to one’s anger, 2) An opening permitting the escape of fumes, a liquid, a gas, or steam.  A research experiment (see short video) showed that venting anger actually made the one venting more angry, contrary to the expectation that this release would help dispel anger.

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (Proverbs 29:11, ESV)

I’m a bit taken by a recent song by Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton called “Say Something.”  It talks about the pressure someone is feeling to say something, but he doesn’t want to get “caught up in the middle of it.”  But he can’t help himself and realizes that sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all.

The wise may indeed say nothing at all in certain situations or, as this proverb says, at least not say all that is in their hearts.  The fool cannot seem to help but give full vent to what he is feeling and thinking, in some cases a sure way to doom his cause.  I was with a friend recently whose father once told me, “I don’t cull my words.”  That is the mark of a fool, not a wise person.

The wise person considers what is just enough to say and when to say it to produce maximum benefit to his or her cause and to the one being spoken to.  The wise person knows how some things said, though true, will only create an obstacle to unity and effectiveness.

I think of the conversation Nathan the prophet had with king David, when confronting him about his sin against Bathsheba and Uriah.  To have just come out with, “You’re an adulterer and murderer.” would have had less impact than the telling of the story of the poor man with one beloved lamb whose lamb was taken from him.  David could respond to that with appropriate indignation and then be told that he was the man who took the “beloved lamb.”