What Jesus Teaches Us About Conflict Among Christians

It seems like Jesus purposely built of team of disciples who would argue, with him and with each other. His was the original DEI hire. Diversity, equity, and inclusion characterized the twelve men he selected from among his many disciples[1] as apostles. His apostles included politically opposing men like Matthew the tax collector and Simon the Zealot, regionally divided Galileans and Judeans, blue-collar and white-collar workers, well to do and poorer people, impulsive and ambitious versus cautious people, traditional Jews and Jews who would follow the ascetic and apocalyptic John the Baptist, and urban and rural dwellers. You’re just asking for bar fights. There was naturally friction and butting of heads with these out of sync followers. The only way they were in sync was their devotion to Jesus and his mission.

Well, mostly. Because there was some disagreement with Jesus over his mission. Peter rebuked Jesus for going willingly to his death in Jerusalem (Matthew 16:21-23). Messiah wasn’t supposed to die, he was supposed to lead a triumphant rebellion against Roman control of Israel. Yeah, there was disagreement with Jesus about how the kingdom was supposed to come.

Needless to say, this bickering among disciples hasn’t disappeared from the church these nearly 2,000 years since Jesus formed it. In the American church today there has particularly been major bickering in and among many congregations over political matters. Do you want the riddance of foreign immigrants or compassion toward immigrants? Are you for the tactics of I.C.E and B.P in Minnesota or are they reckless and illegal? Was Charlie Kirk a martyr or a political casualty? Do you favor getting people off the dole or are you woke?[2] And if you disagree with me, you must not be a Christian. These aren’t the only issues Christians argue about and divide over and demonize one another with. We are carrying on the tradition of the arguing apostles quite faithfully.

Is Jesus okay with this? If not, what does he want us to know?

You Aren’t That Great!

Matthew, Mark and Luke each recount a situation with the disciples arguing among themselves as to which of them was the greatest.

Matthew ^18:1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” ² He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. ³ And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Mark ^9:33 They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” ³⁴ But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. ³⁵ Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” ³⁶ He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, ³⁷ “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Luke ^9:46 An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. ⁴⁷ Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. ⁴⁸ Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.”

You can see that there are some differences in the presentations of what happened. But I think they can be easily harmonized:

1. The disciples argued on the road to Capernaum about which of them would have the greatest reward in the kingdom, probably in terms of position or authority under Jesus. Can’t you hear them? “Jesus gives me greater responsibilities than the rest of you,” or “I have Jesus’ confidence; he tells me secrets that none of you know,” or “I’m just smarter than the rest of you.”
2. When they come into the house in Capernaum Jesus exposes that he knows about their arguing and challenges them to tell him about it, but they are too ashamed.
3. Jesus teaches them about the principle of kingdom greatness, that it goes to the one who puts himself last and servant of all.
4. The disciples then ask Jesus point blank, “Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Is it me, the one with greatest responsibility, or me, the one with the most knowledge, or me, the one you seem closest to?
5. Jesus has a little child stand next to him and declares that those who welcome the lowliest of these, his disciples, and those who take the lowliest position like a little child, will be the greatest in the kingdom, and the greatest now. Children had no power, status or rights. They were dependent and vulnerable, even lacking in significance. “The least among you,” Jesus said, “will be the greatest.”

Humility is the need when Christians argue. You must press your case, but you must not see yourself as the savior in this debate, as the only one who can be right. This must not be a win or lose fight for you with your ego at stake if you lose. You aren’t that great!

Who Are You Serving?

Matthew ^20:20 Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. ²¹ “What is it you want?” he asked. She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.” ²² “You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them. “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?” “We can,” they answered.

²³ Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.”

²⁴ When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. ²⁵ Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ²⁶ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Why were the other disciples so indignant with James and John, the sons of Zebedee? Because they were all about themselves and their ambitions. When you are arguing with another Christian, who are you most concerned about? Who are you serving, yourself or your brother or sister in Christ? That will fundamentally change the way you argue. You aren’t trying to show how fantastic and smart you are and how stupid and wrong your fellow Christian is. You are trying to serve them, like a slave does his master.

Whose Servant Are You Judging?

Matthew ^26:6 While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, ⁷ a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. ⁸ When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. ⁹ “This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” ¹⁰ Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ¹¹ The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. ¹² When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. ¹³ Truly I tell you, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”

Maybe you are serving the Lord by protesting I.C.E. agents, or you are serving the Lord by bringing I.C.E. agents hot coffee and donuts. Maybe you are serving the Lord by watching out for the way the church’s money is being spent, or maybe you are serving the Lord by spending the church’s money. Maybe you are serving the Lord by trying to beautify the property owned by your church, or maybe you are serving the Lord by wanting funds used to beautify the property to be rather used to help the poor.

The disciples judged another disciple for an act of worship she made toward Jesus, so Jesus rebuked them. They disagreed with Jesus that this was legitimate service to the Lord. He said it was. Be careful in your arguing that you might be judging what another servant of God deems valid service to be invalid service. It is often the case that something we disagree on might yet, nevertheless, be legitimate service to Jesus.

Stop ‘Othering’

Luke ^9:49 “Master,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us.” ⁵⁰ “Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.”

One of the greatest tactics the Third Reich used to manipulate the people was to characterize Jews, the mentally ill, gay men and women, and the racially non-Aryan, as vermin, as disgusting, as ‘other’ than normal humans made in God’s image, as inferior to “us.” Like John said to Jesus, “He’s not one of us.”

In your arguing do you come to think of your opponent as “not one of us?” Do you label your opponent as “woke,” “extreme right,” “suffering from TDS (Trump Deranged Syndrome),” “liberal,” “MAGA,” “crazy,” or any number of othering terms that put them in a category of less than you?[3] We are brothers and sisters, children of the same Father, servants of the same Jesus, filled with the same Holy Spirit. If you ‘other’ your brother or sister Jesus tells you to stop it. Whoever is not against you is for you. Even if they are arguing against you, if they are in Jesus they are for you and for Him.

Lean Toward Compassion

Here’s a time when the disciples were arguing with others about what they wanted to do:

Mark ^10:13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ¹⁶ And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

Parents wanted Jesus to bless their children. The disciples thought Jesus had more important things to do. But there is nothing more important than compassion. These parents are wanting, nay, needing whatever blessing they could get for their precious ones, and even if Jesus was busy with “important” matters, even if it doesn’t matter whether Jesus blesses them or not as to getting God’s protection over them, he does it. Because he leans toward compassion.

When we are arguing with one another, disagreeing vehemently even, we must lean toward compassion. We are all people desperate for God’s blessing. We are all little children who must not be hindered to come to Jesus. Jesus will be indignant with us if we don’t show compassion to one another.

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

Matthew ^16:5 When they went across the lake, the disciples forgot to take bread. ⁶ “Be careful,” Jesus said to them. “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” ⁷ They discussed this among themselves and said, “It is because we didn’t bring any bread.” ⁸ Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? ⁹ Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? ¹⁰ Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? ¹¹ How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” ¹² Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

Okay, maybe the disciples weren’t arguing in this case, but their discussion was missing the point, as many of our “discussions” do. We may disagree about important matters but ultimately, for believers, we agree on the most important matter, the gospel. We believe in the powerful, compassionate Son of God who can multiply bread to feed everybody. We believe in the truth of the gospel and recognize, hopefully, divergences from the gospel as the most dangerous threats. On this we are unified, and on this we must focus, when we disagree about crucial things. This is the most crucial thing and we must stand with it despite our disagreements on lesser matters.

 

[1] Jesus had more than the 12 apostles as disciples. He had 72 whom he sent out to preach in the villages (Luke 10:1-20). He had women disciples like Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Susanna (Luke 8:1-3). There were many who left following him after he told them they had to eat his flesh (John 6:60-66). There were 120 gathered in the upper room after his ascension (Acts 1:15).

[2] See my article, Was Jesus Woke? (https://thimblefulloftheology.com/was-jesus-woke/)

[3] Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. (Proverbs 9:7) Insulting someone in an argument is the surest evidence that you have become a mocker rather than a disagreeing fellow believer.