Will God forgive us when we break our promise not to sin?

Question: Hey! I have a question I have been wanting to know for a while now and I was wondering if you could answer it? Okay, so does God still love you and forgive you even if you have made a promise to stop committing a certain sin but then you break that promise? Will he still love and forgive you after you’ve broken that promise and you still keep making the same mistakes?

Answer: I suppose we could ask ourselves if we would still love our child after he or she promises over and over to stop doing something wrong. And even if we would answer yes, we would have to recognize that God’s love for us is even greater than a parent’s love for his child. I like the passage in Psalm 103:13,14, which says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.”

It is Jesus who taught us that we should love our enemies (Matthew 5:44) in order to have as perfect a love as the Father has (verse 48). And Paul tells us that when we were still God’s enemies, still sinners, God proved His love for us by letting Jesus die for us (Romans 5:8). And Jesus taught Peter that if someone sins against him seventy-seven times, he must forgive that person. So it is impossible that God would not do as well or better than what He instructs us to do. In fact, Romans 8 makes it perfectly clear that for the one who has trusted in Jesus for salvation there is no condemnation (8:1) and that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love (8:37-39).

We are perfectly safe in God’s love. But because He loves us so much and because we love Him in return, we want to experience obedience to Him as a token of our love. And we want to trust Him that the commands He has given us are for our own protection and welfare. So when we recognize that our own promises to do better fail it might be time to try some additional aids to obedience. For example, it may be that a trusted counselor could help you see a pattern to your disobedience and help you break that pattern. Or it might be helpful to have someone to whom you are accountable and who will pray for you and encourage you toward obedience. Or it might be useful to memorize some Scriptures that pertain to the particular disobedience you are struggling with. Or all of the above.

God longs for us to have freedom in our conscience before Him. That is why Jesus came (Hebrews 9:14; 10:22). That is why we can come to His throne boldly whenever we have need and find grace (Hebrews 4:16).

 

Samelona’s response: Hi im 15 years old.im trying all my best to be the perfect child to God and also trying my best to get close to him,but i promised God alot of things ,my uncle which is a pastor said that i could tell God that i couldnt keep ii so i did,after that i made another promise but i dnt want to cancel them cause i know that when God prromise me something he never breaks but i just keep breaking my promise and now i feel a heavy thing in my heart,when i think that God does not love or he will punish i start to become sad i cant sleep honestly o dont really know what to do with my life pls help me

My reply: God does take it very seriously when we make a promise and when we break it. But that is not the determiner of whether He loves you or not. Have you given your life to Jesus Christ to be your rescuer from the guilt of your sin? If you have come to Jesus for forgiveness and acknowledged your inability to be all that God wants you to be, trusting in Jesus alone to save you, you are forgiven and God will never hold your sins against you.

But you need to stop making promises you will not keep. Try instead to find a spiritual mentor who can help you make the changes you want or need to make in your life. A promise is not enough to keep you from sinning. You need to learn the Word of God and His principles for life change.

Michael’s response: as one who has promised broke that promise sufffered a stroke thinking i had made god angry at me only to realise that god knew id break that promise befor i even made it yes he still loves me just as christ still loved peter even after he denied him 3 times

Angel’s response: I made a promise to god that im not gonna smoke cigarrete anymore, so i did for almost 2 yrs and honestly i am not a smoker im just playing of it… But then at the party my 6 yr old boy, try to stop him not running around and he didnt listen to me, so i feel mad and tense and i ask my friend if she have a cigarrete and she give me one stick, and after i smoke the cigarette i told to my friend that I made a promise to god not to smoke anymore, until now, just cant sleep, and scared that god will punish me and never forgive me… Please help me, i feel so guilty and scared if god mad at me!

My reply: The reason God wanted you to quit is because it is very unhealthy to smoke. He loves you. NO, He doesn’t want you to promise something and then break that promise, but He is more than willing to forgive you. Wouldn’t you be willing to forgive your son if he promised never to run around again but then in a moment of forgetfulness or excitement did it again? Of course you would and so does our loving heavenly Father want to forgive us when we come to Him and tell Him we are sorry.

J’s response: Hello, what would happen if one made two contradictory promises which one would he keep? Please help me

My reply: Assuming both promises were in agreement with the revealed will of God in Scripture, or not contradictory to it, I suppose you would keep the one that brought the most advantage to the most people and the most honor to God. Then I suppose you would learn not to make promises unless you know you can keep them.

Jennifer’s response: Feeling so far away from God hearing me. I have broken many promises that I really thought I would keep. Feeling broken. My sins r so many, I have known the “truth” for yrs. And there is no excuse..I keep trying to have faith that I will overcome and still be a child of God, knowing obiedence is key, I understand its not by my works, but also know faith without works is dead….feeling like a hopeless case…..asking for intervening prayers cause I want to get better and truly not be a hyprocritical, lazy so called follower….want to be away from all of this and truly hear Gods voice.

My reply: I encourage my readers to pray for this dear one.

Sheila’s response: Dear Sir, I came across this site while researching and started reading the questions and answers. I read Jennifer’s post above and even though it has been over 2 years….my heart ached for her. I see no other updates and was wondering if she followed up with you….If so I just want to make sure she is now o.k. Either way….for whatever reason she is on my heart and I pray she found the answers she so desperately was searching for….answers and peace only our Lord can give. I will pray for Jennifer…..and although I may never know how she is doing now….God knows and He knows her needs, He knows it all and He is always, always faithful. Thank you and God bless

My reply: Perhaps she will see this post and know that you are praying for her and care. Sometimes people respond in a less public way by emailing me and I would honor such by not sharing that in a public forum. But we are all free to share our hearts in this forum and let one another know we are praying and concerned. Sometimes people will also offer answers to others in this forum and sometimes I will share those if they are helpful. Thank you for your concern for Jennifer.

Renu’s response: i have made promis to god forcefully by my mother “that i wont talk to my boyfriend again”.i vowed to god.But i cant live without him and talking to him.so i broke my promise to him.will god punish me for this and seperate us both for it.

My reply: God disciplines those who are His children to help us become more loving and obedient. Jesus has taken all our punishment on the cross. I don’t know for sure what you mean by making a promise to God forcefully (did your mother make you make this promise?). That could render the promise somewhat suspect. But if you made it to God then in your own mind you are breaking your word with God. I don’t know what discipline He will use to bring you to repentance. You can repent by trying to understand why your mother is so concerned you don’t talk to this boyfriend. The fact that you say you can’t live without him is disturbing. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. Please try to see what your mother is seeing, and be willing to talk to healthy friends and elders who can give you guidance. Many young men and women have made their lives miserable by entering unwisely into romantic relationships. The truly healthy way to enter any relationship is with a view to pleasing God and seeing a partnership that helps you fulfill God’s commission to you, the Great Commission. This means, normally, that there needs to be a spiritual compatibility between a man and woman considering partnership. They need to be pulling in the same direction. Does this boyfriend encourage you to live for the Lord? Does he want you to rebel against your mother or even God? Please consider going with your mother to a pastor to discuss these issues.

Renu’s response: hi sir actualy ill promise on god that i didnt want 2 call my boyfriend again.but i cant control myself n my feeling.ill call n talk with her.but i feel scared is it god will punish me or anything happen 2 me..

My reply: This is not a question that can be answered by someone far away. You need to sit down with a fellow believer, preferably a pastor, and walk through what is going on in your life. Ask for prayer from other Christians to work through the issues and expect God to show you the right path.

Stepdav’s response: Hi,my question is about vows. last month I injured my finger joints by hitting the key board too hard for a few hours while playing runescape (an online game). My joints hurt for a week after that. I was worried that I had repetitive strain injury. I promised that I would never play the game again if God healed my hand Immediately. The pain was lessened a bit, and was completely Gone by the end of the day. It’s been a month and I want to play game really badly. Will I be punished if I play it.

My reply: I would not use the word “punish” for believers. Christ has taken our punishment. If we are His children God disciplines us in love to help us become what we need to become. He may indeed discipline you. You made a vow or promise to Him, and yes, it may have been an unwise promise, but you made it nonetheless. Don’t go back to playing the game. Take it as evidence that He did not want you to play it and still doesn’t. Find some other way to use your time that makes a difference for the kingdom. I’m not saying no to any entertainment, but look for ways to use what was meaningless in the big picture of things, that is, your time spent playing the game, and give it to Him. See what He would like you to experience as part of your growth in the way of Jesus.

Stepdav’s reply: Thank you sir, for your prompt answer. It Really frustrates me not to be able to play the game, but what you’ve said makes sense. I shall find better things to do with my time and see what happens (:

Stepdav later: It’s been a more than a year since I’ve played Runescape. The urge is still there, but it’s easier to ignore now. The best thing that happened since I stopped was that I have become closer to my mom and am able to help around the house more often as I am not occupied with playing the game. My sleeping patterns are back to normal as well as I no longer stay up the whole night playing Runescape. All praise and glory be to God who has helped me overcome. 🙂

My reply: So good to hear! Yes, praise God for delivering you in this way and rewarding your obedience.

Rasmita’s response: Dear pastor, I got married since 8years but I have no kids. So I went for prayer one pastor prayed for me but he told me to make a vow that if i will be blessed with a child then I will give that child to jesus. 1st time I remained silent but when pastor told me second time to make that vow I also told that unwillingly because I knew that I can not fulfil that promise because in my home no-one is believing jesus except me. My husband also opposes me to pray to God. So child will not be mine only so it is impossible for me to keep that vow fulfilled.i had not make that vow voluntarily but still I am afraid of it that jesus angry with me and will punish me and will not give me child. Please pastor let me know that if we make promise by force of others and unable to keep that promise will jesus punish us for this. Pls reply me as I can not sleep
Thanking you

My reply: Yes, if you are pushed into a vow it is not valid. It is also not clear what the pastor meant by giving your child to Jesus. You seem to believe it meant that somehow you would get to raise this child as a follower of Jesus, and perhaps that is what he meant, but you don’t have control over that. Please, sleep well, and ask the Lord what He expects of you living in the situation you are in and how, if possible, you can bear testimony to Him while submitting to your husband.

Rasmita’s reply: Thank you so much sir, I was in great agony. First of all I am not blessed with a child yet now and other this promise made me restless. So thank you very much for your reply. Yes I will give testimony of jesus that Lord give me a child and I made this vow by my own and I will definitely do it
Praise the Lord

Confused Guy’s response: Hi, I promised to God that I will give 30% of my earnings to the church.. Is it okay to ask God not to continue my promise? Please help me.

My reply: It is not okay to discontinue your promise. I’m not sure why you promised to give so much, but I am wondering if God has blessed you commensurate with how much you are giving. If so, it would make sense to continue giving that much in addition to the fact that you promised to do so. If you must discontinue your promise because you are not able to make your bills or have enough to eat, provide shelter or clothe yourself, then you must confess to God that your vow was a foolish one and that you are not able to trust Him to provide for you in your needs. Ask His forgiveness and do your best to stay away from vows. James 5:12, But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

Another reader’s response: hi,i promised to god that i wont watch a porn but every time i end up with breaking my promise and afterwards i feel regret of it.this happened several times.does god punish me for this and will he forgive me if i change myself

My reply: Yes, He will forgive you, but what you are learning from this experience is that simply vowing not to do something so compelling and addictive is not a sufficient path toward obedience. You need a fellowship of believers with whom you can be transparent about this (James 5:16) and you need the accountability that comes with such a friendship. And in addition to this you need to find out why worship of the Lord is not more compelling than the self-gratification you find such a draw. You don’t need to kill your sexual desire, but it needs to be mastered and not the master. It will also be helpful to create a barrier to access to pornography, including a filter on all your internet accessible devices and a program like Covenant Eyes to make it harder for you go to problematic sites.

JJ’s response: Hi, I am a born again believer who believes in the redemption of the blood of Christ and that He is the only way to eternal life. I asked God when I was in my teens if he wanted me to marry or not to marry. I made this promise when I was sheltered and homeschooled (wouldn’t change the experience regardless), so I know I was naive. However, I asked for His guidance and just so happen to open to the passage when Paul said better not to give into marriage etc. I can’t remember if I even made a vow that I would not marry but it does concern me that I may have done so. If I marry, could I be breaking a possible vow I made? I know I’m mature enough now to know the promise was silly. Also, another pastor said that if you struggle with lust, you may need to marry when he discussed this same passage. I feel like God may want me to marry but I don’t want to disobey a vow I may have made. Please give me your thoughts.

My reply: In the Old Testament if a wife made a vow her husband could disavow it and if his child made one he could annul it as leader of his family (Numbers 30:1-14). You were a minor and no one asserted that you made a vow so as to annul it or not, and even you don’t know if you made a vow. And your pastor is right, Paul indicates that having the gift of celibacy includes being able to control one’s lust and be able to be free of the need to marry. But if you really desire to be married Paul says that is your gift and you are free to marry. I don’t think you were able to make a good decision about that in your teen years. Examine what your real gift is, either to be married or remain unmarried, and rest in God’s grace and understanding about any supposed vow as a minor.

DL’s response: Hi pastor, I know it’s been 5 years, but I experience a similar thing. I’m 17, and I know for sure that I want to marry in the future. However, I only recently started to take my faith more seriously, and that’s when the mind warfare also started. I started to have intrusive thoughts about vowing not to marry, which contradicts my desire. It made me feel down. However, one day, I got happy for some reason, and I think the thought came into mind, but this time it felt like I meant it. Now, I’m not sure whether or not I actually meant it and that it was a vow made in pride, or it was just a passing thought. I’m pretty sure I tried to resist it, but I can’t be certain. What can I do with this uncertainty? Would Leviticus 5:4-5 apply to me? Do forgiveness and repentance equate to nulling the vow? How can I move on? Would marrying result in living in sin?

My reply: Leviticus 5:4,5 clearly exposes our penchant for making foolish vows: “Or suppose you make a foolish vow of any kind, whether its purpose is for good or for bad. When you realize its foolishness, you must admit your guilt. When you become aware of your guilt in any of these ways, you must confess your sin.” At the age of 17 it seems to me that you are not mature enough to be making such a vow, and in addition, it sounds as if your vow making is subject to mood swings and obsessive thoughts. God certainly understands your situation and the foolishness of your vow. Yes, confess it to Him and receive His forgiveness and please, do not even consider making such a vow again. There is no purpose to making such a vow. Rather, trust God to lead you in the matter of marrying. As James 5:12 says, “But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.” And yes, God’s forgiveness annuls the vow. You are free to marry or not as you choose (1 Corinthians 7:1-7).

Cindy’s response: So i recently had a major break up with my boyfriend, and we ended bad, but deep down we both know we still love each but he is scared because he made a promise to god that he will not be in a relationship for a long time. Do you think god will forgive him if we were to get back together? We want to follow god, we both want him in our lives. We are just scared.

My reply: There is forgiveness for every sin repented of, but it is dangerous to our souls to deliberately sin. I don’t know what your boyfriend promised God or how long he promised it, but if he goes against his promise to God he is deliberately hardening his heart and it is hard to come to repentance when that is the case. Why did he promise this and what would time teach you both about this relationship and more importantly about God? If he can’t keep his word to God how will he keep his word to you?

Vishal’s response: i have unprotected intercoursed with my gf and i was worried that she will be pregnant. . so i went in a hanuman temple and promised god that plzz god she wouldn’t be pregnent this time plzz god.. and promised that i will never do this thing means sex with any girl before marriage. and then she dont get pregnent.
But now i want to sex.. what to do…
what i promise to god and what i say to god …

My reply: What you should say to God is, “God, I am a selfish man who makes promises to you when I am scared but is unwilling to fulfill them when I am out of trouble. You are a convenience to me God, not my Master and Lord. You have made it plain to us that our sexual drives are not to rule us but that You are. You made sex to be a beautiful part of marriage, but I want to enjoy it without the commitment of marriage, no matter what happens to my girlfriend. I am a selfish, selfish man. Please, Lord, help me to submit my will to yours and find in Jesus the Messiah my salvation for all my sinful ways. Help me to understand that He died in my place, for my selfishness and rebellion, so that I might have life with You as a free gift. I humbly receive Your free gift of eternal life as I repent of my disloyalty to You.”

Vishal’s reply: sir u said that i say to god again that i m selfish and no matter what happens to my gf.. how can i say that … i love her and dont want to give her any hurt .. u know.. why i promised above thing last time cause i love her and dont want to see her in pain…. so if i say that i m selfis and no matter with gf then god will do something to my gf…

My reply: God is not after your girlfriend as much as He is after you. You asked me what you should say to God and I am encouraging you to repent of your selfish attitude and of your willingness to use her for sex even if it gets her pregnant, and to repent of your willingness to use God for your own convenience, being willing now to break your vow to Him after He delivered you. Do not trifle with Him and do not trifle with your girlfriend. Repent, my friend, and stop rationalizing your behavior.

Anonymous’ response: Growing as a believer And a weak conscience I thought some things were sin that now I know better are not sins. I promised God I won’t commit those sins again that I thought were sins but now I know are not sins. I don’t know am I still accountable for those vows?

My reply: It is possible that now with your new knowledge, since you understand that what you vowed not to do is not a sin, you do not need to keep this vow. In effect, what you vowed you will still be keeping in that you vowed not to sin by doing whatever it was because the intent was not to sin. But you are not sinning by doing this, so you are keeping the vow in that sense. Ask the Lord what He wants you to do and whether He believes you have honored your vow and watch and listen for His answer.

Honey’s response: Praise in jesus name.from malaysia,here i want ask i have made promise with jesus if my boyfriend take drugs i wont take togheter with him if i take break my relantionship with my boyfriend and until die dont let me meet back my boyfriend and save our relantionship,i forget about the promise and take drugs with him now as i told you god fulfil the words i say if i take drugs break my relantionship with biyfriend and now our relantionship break ready and i dono what he doing now also.father i ask forgive with jesus daily am crying n begging and ask sorry for break my promise but until now jesus punnish me..will i get forgiveness from jesus because i break promise?will jesus again hear my prayers and help me?i never do anything from my bottom heart,jesus only must make my boyfriend go in jesus way amen.

A second response: Praise un jesus name.father am from malaysia,here i want ask i have made promise with jesus if my boyfriend take drugs i wont take togheter with him if i take break my relantionship with my boyfriend,i forget about the promise and take drugs with him now as i told you god fulfil the words i say if i take drugs break my relantionship with boyfriend and dont let me and my boyfriend meet until am die.father i ask forgive with jesus daily am crying n begging and ask sorry for break my promise but until now jesus punnish me..will i get forgiveness from jesus because i break promise?will jesus again hear my prayers and help me?will jesus forgive me because my break promise,will jesus again make me and boyfriend save in right way?i promise because dont want repeat the mistake but i break rdy promise and god also take away ready my boyfriend,pastor please ans me jesus will again forgive me and make my boyfriend ascpet me back?

My reply: Yes, Jesus hears your prayers and forgives your sin because you have confessed to Him and 1 John 1:9 tells us that if we do that He forgives and cleanses us from all iniquity. You have damaged your heart by sinning this way but God is able to bring you to wholeness as you trust Him. I cannot answer as to whether He will make your boyfriend accept you back or not. Perhaps so, but perhaps God is putting you in a place to re-evaluate this relationship and whether it is a good one for your or not. Please seek the counsel of someone you trust who will help you evaluate from God’s perspective if this is a relationship He approves. If not, you may need to make a break from it in your heart and seek the Lord for how you need to grow spiritually. Even if so, however, this does not guarantee God will return him to you. Listen to what the Spirit of God is saying to you.

Honey’s reply: Yes am always believing in jesus christ,this time am worried because i only promise to jesus if am not fullfill as am promise break my relantionship with my boyfriend and dont let him meet me and save our relantionship until die,but when i cant keep my promise as i ask him,jesus also already bring me far from him and i dono what he do and everthng.now am ask forgiveness with jesus from my bottom heart and keep back my relantionship with boyfriend.after this i wont ever promise to jesus and do whatever jesus christ no like i try to follow..before this many times i and my boyfriend break up when i pray only he will come back to me,and am believing if he not for me jesus wont bring him back to me before this all..again am pray to jesus at least this time make our relantionship strong and dont ever again bring far my boyfriend away frm me.

Anny’s response: I promis to god 2 tyms that i will never use whats app…i never used whtsapp for 4 momth but i said to go to take care of me n my family but suddnly something very wrong happen with me nd then in angr nd ehen i see how this happen to me…then i broke promiss i used whtsapp after that but only for 3hr…then deleted my account…nd today also i open it for something important but only for 2 hr so can god punished me for that or forgive me…but its not mean that i donnt respect god .i love him .god n my parents is everything for me…but i fell guilt now…plss help me.

My reply: Yes, God will forgive you. You are guilty of breaking your vow to Him and you need to confess that and be forgiven (1 John 1:9). But stop making such vows. Instead, ask the Lord to help you live the way you should and relentlessly pursue honesty with Him about all you are feeling and doing and thinking. Keep your heart completely open to Him and watch how this transforms you.

Israel’s response: Pls help me out.. I made a promise to God not to commit a particular sin and that if I did it, He should not give me something that I asked for.. But I’ve broken the promise and I’m really sorry about it. Pls will God forgive me and still grant my request if I keep to the promise this time around?

My reply: God will certainly forgive you but I don’t know that He will grant your request. It may be that He will follow through with your vow or promise and bring that consequence. He is a good Father and knows best how to shape you in the image of His Son, the Lord Jesus. So trust Him in this matter. And, perhaps, stop making such promises. That is not the way to obedience and growth. Instead, make time with Him every day and really connect with Him in a personal way through Scripture reading and prayer. Really talk to him about everything in your life and be open to listening to Him. Ask Him to expand your heart for obedience and watch what He does in you.

Yinka’s response: Thanks so much for this site , for ur replies and time. I ve read through the questions and answers on this site and the burden/reason why I checked in is taken away. Thanks

DL’s response: Hi pastor, I’m 17, and I know for sure that I want to marry in the future. However, I only recently started to take my faith more seriously, and that’s when the mind warfare also started. I started to have intrusive thoughts about vowing not to marry, which contradicts my desire. It made me feel down. However, one day, I got happy for some reason, and I think the thought came into mind, but this time it felt like I meant it. Now, I’m not sure whether or not I actually meant it and that it was a vow made in pride, or it was just a passing thought; my memory of it is distorted. I’m pretty sure I tried to resist it, but I can’t be certain. What can I do with this uncertainty? Would Leviticus 5:4-5 apply to me? Does “unrighteousness” in 1 John 1:9 include this rash vow? Do forgiveness and repentance equate to nulling the vow? How can I move on? Would marrying result in living in sin?

My reply: Leviticus 5:4,5 clearly exposes our penchant for making foolish vows: “Or suppose you make a foolish vow of any kind, whether its purpose is for good or for bad. When you realize its foolishness, you must admit your guilt. When you become aware of your guilt in any of these ways, you must confess your sin.” At the age of 17 it seems to me that you are not mature enough to be making such a vow, and in addition, it sounds as if your vow making is subject to mood swings and obsessive thoughts. God certainly understands your situation and the foolishness of your vow. Yes, confess it to Him and receive His forgiveness and please, do not even consider making such a vow again. There is no purpose to making such a vow. Rather, trust God to lead you in the matter of marrying. As James 5:12 says, “But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.” And yes, God’s forgiveness annuls the vow. You are free to marry or not as you choose (1 Corinthians 7:1-7).

DL’s reply: Thank you so much for the very quick reply. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this for quite a while. A lot of commentaries discuss that the breaking of the vow itself is the sin, not the rash vow itself. Plus, perhaps I’m not wise enough, but sermons are divided on this matter: some are full-on “Pay what you vow” no annulment, and very few talk about forgiveness and deliverance. I’m not sure if the first one is leaning on legalism, or the second one is leaning on hyper-grace. How do I know who’s right? The impression I’m getting is that God is very gracious and faithful to forgive our rash vows, but at the same time, I must hold responsibility, which confuses my definition of repentance. Though, pastor, how do I know if this doubt and uncertainty fear is not God’s way of directing me, but the enemy’s plot to steal, kill and destroy? And, how do I learn to not bear the guilt and condemnation? The Bible talks about single-mindedness, but what if I’m off to the wrong direction? Again, thank you so much, it’s a great help.

My reply: The very fact that God has a provision in Leviticus 5 for forgiving rash vows and the not keeping of them is indication that He is gracious and forgiving. And if He designates “rash” and “foolish” vows, then it is also true that He doesn’t want us to make certain vows. Help me to understand why you think you should be single-minded about whether to marry or not? Why would you think God wants you to make a vow one way or the other?

DL’s reply: Sorry, I didn’t mean to be single-minded about whether to marry or not. I know that Jesus explicitly stated to not make vows nor oaths. I was referring to the sermons and the information I’m getting from them as well as the internet. I’m a doubtful person, and Leviticus 5 actually became an anchor for me to not lose my sanity by wondering whether or not the vow can be renounced. However, this “certainty” got torn down by the commentaries I saw. They said “whether its purpose is for good or for evil” meant either it’s impossible or unlawful. Surely my “vow theme” does not fit in either. Others say evil also meant to do evil to oneself, hurting myself. This made me compare my situation with Jephthah’s, and see whether or not it’s even worthy to be renounced. Furthermore, some commentators also say that the “atonement for sin” in the following verses does not renounce the vow. So, this is confusing for me.

Another thing I’m contemplating is whether or not Leviticus, Ecclesiastes, Proverbs and other major books that reference vows to be in the old testament matters at all. Of course, one must stay true to one’s words, but I feel that we are humans, things may not go the way we want. We must be careful with our words and prayers and not to be bound by unnecessary things. These ones in the old testament focus on “pay what you vow” and the judgments that come with not being able to fulfil them.

Now there is not a lot on vows in the new testament, but freedom and forgiveness is a recurring theme, like 1 John 1:9 and Galatians 5:1. Though, since they don’t directly refer to vows, I’m not confident enough to make the connection. Moreover, bondage usually refers to slavery to sin, like lust addiction (correct me if I’m wrong), but vows are made to the Lord, not sin.

The point is, it gets complicated. I’m not sure what interpretation I should rely on.

My reply: I can only give you my interpretation. The vows in Leviticus 5 are called “foolish” and the passage says, “if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt— when anyone becomes aware that they are guilty in any of these matters, they must confess in what way they have sinned.” What is it you are becoming aware of and that you are guilty of? Is it that your vow is foolish (that is what the New Living Translation assumes), or is it that you become aware that you violated the vow? I think only the first view makes sense. It says at first, if anyone thoughtlessly (“foolishly”) takes an oath without being aware of it, which means not that they have failed to keep the oath but that they have learned it is foolish or thoughtless. So the guilt is for making a bad vow or oath. That is what must be confessed. If it is a bad or foolish oath it is still an oath, but you should not keep it and do something wrong (Jephthah did not kill his daughter, see https://askthepastors.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/why-arent-women-allowed-the-same-freedom-to-make-vows-as-men/, and Saul did not kill his son Jonathan, 1 Samuel 14:24-45).

Your vow simply doesn’t make sense. Why would you even make a vow about whether or not to get married. I still don’t understand the motivation behind it. Is it to be totally devoted to the Lord? Paul clearly says that unless a person has a “gift” of celibacy they should marry. Do you know that you have that gift? (see, 1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

1 John 1:9 and other passages in the New Testament on forgiveness, though they don’t directly reference vows, are very pertinent to this issue. Is there any sin that the Lord won’t forgive? The only one he mentions is not failure to keep a vow (see, https://askthepastors.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/what-is-the-unpardonable-sin/). So please rest in His forgiveness.

DL’s reply: Thanks for your interpretation. Yes, I did think the same way when I first read it on my own, but the commentaries seem to be different. Other old testament verses also refer to the breaking of the vow that’s a sin, only this Leviticus one doesn’t. I would love to rest in His forgiveness, but it feels like I’m forever in this bondage.

As for my motive, I’m honestly searching for that answer myself. As I’ve said, my memory of it is distorted. This is the best I can explain it. Because I had been suffering intrusive thoughts up to that moment (even to today), I haven’t had the chance to be joyful ever since. Though, this moment was a rare moment because something nice happened, and I got happy after a long, sorrowful battle of intrusive thoughts. How I BEST remember it is that I was happy in my mind but I suddenly reminded myself again about the intrusive thought. But because I was in a happy state of mind, the thought that came in felt like I meant it. I’m pretty sure I tried to rebuke it, as in “I don’t accept this thought in the name of Jesus Christ” under my breath, but even this I cannot confirm. I would happily agree to that it was just an intrusive thought, but I really cannot be certain, what if this memory is distorted? So, that’s why I’m seeking forgiveness.

There is also a verse that says something like “don’t tell the messenger that it was an error, afterall, why should God destroy the works of your hands?”. It terrifies me. I know I shouldn’t feel condemned reading scriptures, but this is how I feel honestly speaking. Perhaps you can provide some insights into this?

My reply: I would suggest that you may be suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. It is called the doubting disease. What you are describing sounds very typical: the intrusive thinking, the fear, the reading into Scripture, the need to resolve issues that can’t seem to be resolved. I would seek medical attention and counseling for this. This is the root of your problems, not the issue of vows or marriage.

DL’s reply: Actually, I agree. I’ve diagnosed myself (not medically) with OCD scrupulosity before this incident. I had been on a learning curve to ignore the intrusive thoughts and to accept God’s love and grace.

However, this “happy” incident just seems different from the rest. It might just be my OCD, but I cannot discern this time. My learning curve turned to a cliff.

I pray that God would get me to truthful, undistorted remembrance, or at least some sort of help. Would you mind praying for me too please?

My reply: I would not mind at all. Blessings, brother.

DL’s reply: Hi, thank you for your responses, I’ve been feeling better about it, and slowly (but surely) taking hold of my OCD. However, I am still curious about one thing. What actually counts as a vow?

Just prior to what I described, I had an OCD episode where a question like this came up, “did I vow celibacy in my childhood?”. The question made me ruminate for a few weeks – a month. I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t (I moved on to the newer episode), I prayed that I didn’t. However, during those tormenting weeks, I was just trying to figure out whether I actually did or it was just a false memory caused by OCD. I did this by saying to myself under my breath, “promise not to …”. I purposely didn’t include the pronoun “I” to make sure I didn’t actually make the promise. I said this to myself a lot of times to deduce whether or not the statement sounded familiar (as if I have said this in the past), but I had no intention of actually promising it. Do you think this counts as a vow? I know God looks at the heart, but what troubles me is that it wasn’t just a thought, it actually came out of my mouth. What can you say about this? Would be much appreciated again, thanks!

My reply: I would say that you did not make a vow. In part I base this in my understanding of OCD. Your thoughts are obsessive and are typical of those with OCD and prone to doing things like this almost unconsciously. Yes, you said it out loud, but that too is typical. You should not be held accountable for that. Suffice it to say, you should never make a vow, and since I know that is your belief also, you should never consider something like what you did as a vow. It is part of your illness.

DL’s reply: Thank you, I appreciate it. God bless!

Nes’ response: Hello! Background: Years ago, when I was around 15 years of age, I had nightmares about the end of the world. I concluded that God was speaking to me, that the world would end soon. I overheard a family friend tell my grandmother that her place in heaven was sure, because she had fulfilled her marriage vows. So, 15 year old me thought that making vows to God would ensure my place into heaven. Yet, I made a vow which is virtually forever and therefore impossible, logically, because I THOUGHT that the world was ending like that week. Sadly, I broke the vow and did the sin I told God I wouldn’t do. At first, I expected him to end me, but I repented and was horribly saddened. Instead of him ending me in my sleep, he surrounded me with love and peace that night.

Years Passed: Recently, I was praising God at work when a thought dropped within me: “You shall not see heaven”. So I freaked out and wondered why, before God reminded me of the broken vow. My questions are: Can I still get to heaven if I remake a broken vow?
Or will God always know that the vow was broken and me remaking it and fulfilling it doesn’t change the fact that it was already broken?
Should I get closer to Jesus and then remake the vow or vice versa?

My reply: Dear Nes, two things. One, you were not guaranteed a place in heaven by making a vow and keeping it. The only guarantee of heaven is trusting in Jesus Christ as your rescuer from the guilt of your sin, having taken your place and paid the penalty of death for you. So God would never tell you that the reason you won’t see heaven is a broken vow. Two, stop making vows as a means of earning God’s favor. As your 15 year old self learned, that doesn’t work. Yes, get closer to Jesus but do so because it is good to be close to Jesus. You will grow from getting close to Jesus, you’ll be blessed by being close to Jesus. And when you mess up find joy in the promise of forgiveness when you sin. Jesus said, “You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’ But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, ‘By heaven!’ because heaven is God’s throne. And do not say, ‘By the earth!’ because the earth is his footstool. And do not say, ‘By Jerusalem!’ for Jerusalem is the city of the great King. Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37)