Will we be married in heaven?

Question: When we reach heaven, will we join our spouse there, or is it “’till death do us part”? If we do join our spouse for eternity in heaven, what of the people who remarried after being widowed?

Answer: Jesus dealt with this question in a sense when he challenged the Sadducees about their denial of the resurrection. Actually, they began the discussion (Matthew 22:23-33) by relating a scenario of a woman who had seven husbands, all brothers, who had died after each had married her and not produced a male offspring. The Law of Moses commanded that the dead man’s brother marry his widow if no male offspring were produced in order to carry on the name of the original father and secure the land inheritance. Their question for Jesus was, “Whose wife will she be” at the resurrection (assuming the resurrection is a reality, which we Sadducees deny)? They thought they had Jesus stumped or else had him defending a ridiculous doctrine.

Jesus answered that they were in error for not seeing the resurrection in the Scriptures and for miscalculating the power of God. And he made this statement, “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (v.30). Apparently, the angels do not procreate like the human race does, therefore they do not have the formal arrangement of marriage. And we will be like them at the resurrection in that we will no longer need the formal arrangement of marriage to protect our relationships and offspring.

The Bible does say that death ends the marriage bond (Romans 7:2) thus freeing the surviving spouse to remarry. Does this mean we won’t have a special relationship with our earthly spouse or spouses at the resurrection (that is, in heaven or in the kingdom)? I don’t think it means that. How could I not have a special relationship with someone I spent much of my life with and learned to love perhaps more deeply than anyone else on earth? Just as I expect to have a special relationship in the kingdom with my parents, children and other family members, I expect to have a special relationship with my wife. I will undoubtedly develop many more relationships in the kingdom than I did before and will have a new capacity for developing intimate friendships because of the absence of sin in my life. The kingdom will be a place for an unlimited number of relationships to grow and thrive, especially our relationship with Jesus.

 

One reader’s response: Hi, We aren’t much for church but I have been trying for years to strengthen my relationship with God and every time the same thing ends up driving me away. So as children we are all taught, ‘oh if your grandparent (really whoever) dies, they’re going to be in heaven. Your family is going to be in heaven, as an adult I have learned that we won’t be a ‘family’ in heaven, yet we will all be a big family. I am a very huge family person and the thought of my family meaning as much to me as bob on the street makes no sense to me. My kids not being my kids. Not hearing their giggle as small children. Didn’t Jesus say that if you aren’t like a child, you won’t earn heaven? Well, how am I supposed to believe there won’t be something as wonderful as children in heaven, we won’t be married, have children. When talking about the new earth it talks about the peace and how the nursing child will put its hand over the hole of a cobra and the weaned child will put his hand into a nest of vipers with no harm. So wouldn’t that mean we can bear children on the new earth? Wouldn’t we have to be married to have children? Why would God give us different body parts if that’s not part of the plan? I know there is statements where we will be gender less but when Jesus rose from the dead he was still able to feel, eat, it talks about us being re made like his image so wouldn’t we still be the same just ‘holy’? Why would God give us such a special thing such as marriage and children for them to not mean as much to us in heaven? Each time the thought of this drives me away. The thought of not having picnics after a hike with my family, the thought of not sitting down for a family dinner. The thought of my parents who love each other so very much not being married in heaven. It makes no sense to me, makes me scared for the end. If you could share some light on this, it would be greatly appreciated thank you

My reply: Here is one of the passages in question:

Matthew 22:23 The same day Sadducees came to him, who say that there is no resurrection, and they asked him a question, 24 saying, “Teacher, Moses said, ‘If a man dies having no children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.’ 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first married and died, and having no offspring left his wife to his brother. 26 So too the second and third, down to the seventh. 27 After them all, the woman died. 28 In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her.”

29 But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. 30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. 31 And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by God: 32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living.” 33 And when the crowd heard it, they were astonished at his teaching.

What can we deduce from this passage? Can we deduce that we will become genderless? No, nothing here tells us that. Being like the angels in heaven is used to support that we don’t marry in heaven. Can we deduce from this passage that we won’t bear children? Possibly, since bearing children is or has always been in the context of marriage. Can we deduce that we won’t have any more feeling for our earthly family members than Bob on the street? No, nothing here says we will lose affection for or special connection to our family members. It only says we won’t marry or be given in marriage. Why would I still not have special affection for my life partner and my children and grandchildren? Of course I would.

I think we need to be careful about making too many assumptions about what it will be like in heaven. Will we live forever? Yes. So would we age? Will we stay at the same age? We just don’t know how it will work. Will we have children? The other passage you mentioned needs careful attention:
Isaiah 65:17 “For behold, I create new heavens
and a new earth,
and the former things shall not be remembered
or come into mind.
18 But be glad and rejoice forever
in that which I create;
for behold, I create Jerusalem to be a joy,
and her people to be a gladness.
19 I will rejoice in Jerusalem
and be glad in my people;
no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping
and the cry of distress.
20 No more shall there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not fill out his days,
for the young man shall die a hundred years old,
and the sinner a hundred years old shall be accursed.
21 They shall build houses and inhabit them;
they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22 They shall not build and another inhabit;
they shall not plant and another eat;
for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be,
and my chosen shall long enjoy[c] the work of their hands.
23 They shall not labor in vain
or bear children for calamity,[d] for they shall be the offspring of the blessed of the Lord,
and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are yet speaking I will hear.
25 The wolf and the lamb shall graze together;
the lion shall eat straw like the ox,
and dust shall be the serpent’s food.
They shall not hurt or destroy
in all my holy mountain,”
says the Lord.

Is this referring to heaven? I don’t think so. My understanding of future events includes a 1,000-year rule of Jesus on earth during which the activities mentioned above can happen. Revelation 20 would also describe this. Then I think there is a shift after that to the heavenly existence described in Revelation 21 and 22, and to what Jesus describes in Matthew 22 above.

Would God make us unhappy in heaven? Impossible! We will never be happier. Life will be perfect. Will it be different than life now? It will have to be. Have you ever enjoyed people outside your immediate family, relationship with whom you could not give too much attention because your family would object? What does that spring from? Jealousy? Fear? But we won’t have jealousy or fear in heaven. We will be free to explore relationships we wouldn’t have felt free to explore because our own sinfulness will not lead us to betrayal or possessiveness. The marital boundary won’t be the necessity it is now, in our sinful state. But that doesn’t mean our spouses or children or parents won’t be special to us. Just the opposite. They will be most special to us. But relationship with others outside our family circle won’t be a problem. If you think about it, we are all one family, the family of Adam and Eve. And we will have eternity to get to know our larger family.

C*, I don’t know how it will all sift out in heaven. But I do know that we will be our fullest and best selves and love will rule the day. None of the limitations or failures of relationship we experience now will be true there. We will be filled with joy and love. We will be happier than we have ever been, and it will be a sustained happiness that comes from knowing our God and being free from any evil in our hearts. Our hearts will be fully attuned to Him and to one another.