Husbands and Wives in the Spirit – Ephesians 5:22-33

Would you take marriage advice from someone who has never been married? Is it even possible for someone who isn’t married to understand what it is like to be married? Does God understand marriage? Nobody understands it better than He. But surprise, God is married, to us. Isn’t He lucky! Paul may have been married at one time, a widower now, or not, but he isn’t giving his own advice about marriage. He’s giving God’s advice.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22–33, ESV)

Paul has just said (5:21) that Spirit-filled believers submit to one another. Now he applies that to specific household relationships. Wives and husbands submit to each other in unique ways, as do children and parents, and slaves and masters (slaves were considered part of the household).

Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. They are living out the model of Christ’s marriage to the church. The church submits to her husband, Jesus Christ, and wives submit to their husbands “in everything” (though this would not mean doing something sinful, Acts 5:29). There is a line of authority in the family, not a line superior to inferior. Paul elsewhere makes it clear that women and men are equal before God (Galatians 3:28). There is a line of authority within the Trinity, even though each member is equally God (1 Corinthians 11:3). Submission does not mean I am less than another. I may actually be superior to the one to whom I submit, in terms of gifts and intelligence.

Husbands submit to their wives by loving them as Christ loves the church. That involves sacrificing for her and making it his goal to help her become all God wants her to be. That would also include getting all the benefit of her gifts in whatever decisions or directions they go in life.

Paul sums up his directions by encouraging wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives as themselves. The Golden Rule applies to marriage. And marriage is ultimately a picture of Christ and His church. Are we living out the mystery?

Discussion Questions

1. What do you hate about submitting? What do you love?
2. In what way does God have in the church a less than ideal mate?
3. How have you seen women live out, for better or for worse, the principle of submission to their husbands?
4. How have you seen husbands live out loving their wives as Christ loves the church?
5. Are wives not supposed to love their husbands sacrificially?
6. How do you want to live out the marriage relationship of Christ and his church?